got myself some internet :)

so as you can see i got myself some internet at me house.

its now SUDBROCK CAFE!

and i am now a BAMF

ummm so Mrs. Krug is posting the casting for the play tomorrow. super nervous. i really want to be Gert because (1) that was my grandma's name and she was like a super BAMF and (2) her character is just like my grandma and that would just be awesome.

i have a question. if i gave up cussing for lent (which im not doing the greatest at) does that mean for the duration of lent that i cant use phrases such as: BAMF, LMAO, ROFLMAO, LMMFAO, etc? serious question, not hypothetical vvvvv comment below vvvvv

um i think that is it. im going to go and try to hook up my wireless rouder(?) now.

peace and love, gents.
al.

new fancy clothes

so my mom says that i need to go to new york in style she bought me a couple cute shirts and some earrings and next weekend we are going jean shopping. thats all for the fancy clothes

im goin to STATE!!!!! woooo!!! im so excited i was so nervous for improv that i couldnt eat all day. but then i got up there and ROCKED IT!! woot. and my poems were good but that judge gave everyone in my section a 1. so idk about that. ohh well maybe they were all rockstars:)

so state is in 2 weeks. lets hope for a bunch of allstate nominations!!! that would rock.

oh and tryouts for the spring play is today and tomorrow. *fingers crossed* my grades are awesome so i hopefully will get a good part!! *crosses fingers*

thats all for today:)
love yall

peace and love.
al.

henna on my hand

im not really sure what to write about. there are so many things that i need to talk about. so i guess ill start with speech

i love speech.
with all my heart.
and im good at it.
i cant say that about much else.
and this weekend is districts.
and it could possibly be the last speech contest that i ever perform at.
and that makes me sad.

and i dont really know what else to talk about

i dont know.
i just dont know.
at all
anything.
i dont want to leave this place
i can move out of my house but to leave this place.
these halls
the people
the activities
the teachers.
the memories.
those i cant leave.
the signs on the lockers.
sitting in the MC and playing games with Cass and Spence
our talks in connections.
everything about this school is what makes me want to stay.
even the gross school lunches.
the feeling about being on a team.
the feelings of a job done well when you get an A on a vanny test.
all of that.
and more.
i dont know what it is about this day that is making me like this
but im just like blahhhhhh. wanna cry.
and not leave.
ever.
ever.
never.

next week is try-outs for the spring play.
im excited.
and also not.
for 2 reasons.
1) i cant bare to not get a part again this year. that broke my heart last year.
2)that means the end is near.

but mostly number 1 is what is worrying me. she said that i couldnt be counted on last year....
.
.
.
.
.
but i was passing the whole time.
but it didnt matter.
like i said,
broken heart.

i live for this stuff.
speech.
drama.
acting.
krug in general.
i look up to her. i wanna be like her.
i wanna be a speech coach and loved by everyone.
i wanna be just an awesome person.
but to do that i have to leave.
and that i cant do right now.

i cant remove myself from the environment that i grew up with my entire life.
when May 19th comes im going to be a wreck.
balling my eyes out
blubbering like a baby,
w.r.e.c.k.

i cant go on.
itll be like this the whole time.
sorry guys.
im a baby today.

peace and love.
al.

coming home

he needs to leave. he needs to leave. LEAVE YOU FUCKER!!!!

this is my class where i can sing my heart out and not have a care but now that he walked in here im all over aware and shit and ugh. LEAVE!!!

theres no love from me right now

peace

al.

i do it cuz i can

and this is what i do

she doesnt know who Javier is

im thinking about writing a letter to my brother. tell him what is been going on in my life. i dont know if he even wants to know but i know that i want to know what is goin on in his so maybe if i tell him, he will do the same. im still really mad at him but i really miss him at the same time.

ok im going to write it on here first and see what you all think.

Andy,

hey big brother. i havent talked to you for a long time and i was just thinking about you and i was thinking that maybe you have wondered what has been going on with my life.

well first of all, i'm a senior now. we've only got 88 days until graduation. 26 days till i turn 18 and leave for New York City. i am spending my spring break there this year for a vocal trip. we will be visiting the statue of liberty, ellis island, strawberry fields, and whole bunch of other things. IM SUPER EXCITED!!

but senior year is quickly approaching the end and that makes me sad. i dont really want to leave. its been a really busy year for me though. trying to make plans for next year, sports, im the secretary for the FFA, speech, and all my classes. and trying to have a social life. its a nonstop adventure at the Sudbrock household.

speech has been an awesome time though for me because i made to state in two events and went to allstate this weekend in improvisation. this weekend is districts for individuals at Earlham. i am performing poetry that i wrote and individual improv. im SUPER nervous, but also kind of excited because i got a medal on thursday for both of my events, so i hope that is a good sign that i could make it to allstate, cause that is kind of a big deal.

not much else has been happening. oh i got my show calves for this year. i have 2 purebred shorthorns and 1 purebred herford.

congrats on the baby!

i miss you so much.

we need to see eachother sometime.

love always,

ally.

ps i graduate on May 19th. :)

is that ok?

peace and love

al.

READ THIS ERICK

frat frat frat frat frat frat frat frat frat frat frat
Carrie Was here

:D

Hi, my name's Alex, and Erick, Carrie, Lois, Melanie, and Mathew, oh, and that hipster Bobby.

its another poem guiiiz

im breaking the mold
setting myself free
i no lover care what people think
im going to be me

ill walk around with world
without a single care
come along with me
join me if you dare

im taking little steps
to clear all my doubts
and soon someday im going to be out

out of the stereotypes
gone with the mold
ill no longer be a follower
i refuse to do what im told
im crazy, im new,
im awesome. im BOLD

love yall
thanks for all of your guys inspiration!!
i had a block for a long time but its gone.
today sitting at lunch we were talking about breaking the mold and BAM i looked at spencer and asked if she had a pen. she handed me on and 2 minutes later my arm is covered with the poem.
i would like some feed back and if anyone has any ideas for more poems please let me know. i find i write better when its something that deals with me or my friends or family.

peace and love
al.

sorry i do this a lot

sorry if i blog too much you guys. sometimes its my only way to vent. and i always have stuff on my mind that i feel needs to get out.

so now onto my next item of business. valentine's day. im not a big fan of valentine's day. not because i dont have a boy friend or blah blah blah, but because i believe if you love someone you should tell them anyday not just of Feb. 14th. anyhoo so usually i just do what i do on any given day except i give out little valentines like i have since like pre-school. and mom asked me if i thought i was too old to be doing this and i was like "uh NO" so here i am handing out valentines to all of my loves:) and i also bought carnations for people. lo, carrie, cass, chris, dan, krug, and jen. and well i got a couple my self.

first im going to talk about the red one. that would be from daniel. :) what he wrote was so freaking cute! he made me cry. he talked about how great of a person i have become and that im going to do awesome things in the future. i love him so much. he even got me 2 flowers. with a giant bow. he is so awesome. thats why he is my best friend.

my second one was from my husband:) if you dont know who that is... well im not going to tell you. but he was also cute in my letter. he was all like im not a compassionate writer but i thought this would be nice. it was nice. he is so cute. im glad he is my prom date! i also think i may have a slight, teensie, little, bitty crush on him. but how can that be wrong, he is my hubby.
whoever may be reading this. dont tell him. if i have the balls someday i shall tell him myself. if not we will still be friends cuz he is awesome and im going to college next year anyway.

yup thats it.
i promise ill stop blogging for a while now

peace and love.
al.

peanut was my lover bunch

dear carrie,

i know what you are going through.

i have been through that a lot.

losing a dog really sucks.

you can always tell when a dog loves someone

and when they love its the unconditional kind of love,

the kind you can only get from a dog.

the kind they give you when you first come home

and they are jumping at you to lick your face

and give you all kinds of kisses because they missed you.

when they bark at you as you pull into your drive way

with that big ole goofy smile on their face.

when they have to go potty and they come up to you with that look on their

face that says "i really gotta go, but if you need to, i can wait"

when you are sad or upset and they know it and they just sit and look at you

or they lay in front of you so no one could get at you and hurt you again.

the way they roll over onto their belly when they want it scratched.

with every motion they have, they do it with love.

and when you lose that its like losing part of your family.

like part of your heart and soul just died.

but ive got something to tell you.

doggies go to heaven and right now Audi is playing with Peanut and Rusty and Smokie(my dogs that have died)

and they are having a blast of a time

running through the beautiful fields of Heaven with chew toys in their mouths,

and im sure Kimmy is up there giving them belly rubs and playing with them.

and when we get up there, they will be there barking and smiling and licking us just like they did

when we were down here.

and then there will a party in heaven.

all will be well child.

i love you Carrie.

if you need to talk, let me know.

Bosco is always here for you.

peace and love.

al.

more brain diarhea

i need a title for this one. if anyone has any ideas let me know or comment :)

You cut yourself up

To slim yourself down

Try to be small

So everyone is proud

The doc says you are fat

And that’s not all right with you

You think to be pretty

You have to lose a few

Look in magazines

And the latest books

Everyone is pretty

No matter where you look

They make us shave our legs

Die our hair

Making everyone very self aware

They point all of our flaws out

And fill us full of self hatred and doubt

Why cant we be us

They way we were meant to be

Is God didn’t want me fat

I would be skinny

So get off of my back

Ill be whatever size I choose

And if I do want to lose some weight,

It wont be because of you.

Size Doesnt Matter

Its not at all cool to be fat

Doctors, magazines, and people on the street make

Sure you know that.

36-24-36

The perfect size

I thought Beauty is supposed to be

More than what is seen by the eyes.

All of these doctors saying

You’re over weight

That’s not good for your health.

But at the end of the day

all they care about

is their wealth.

When it comes to my body

I should be the only judge

Not some doctor

Who thinks I should get rid of my pudge.

People wonder why girls nowadays

Are full of self doubts

Its because they sit and look in the mirror

And point all the wrong things out

So get off of your high horse

If I like who I am

Then it doesn’t matter

If im “normal” size or

If I am just a little bit fatter.

brain diarhea

im on the outside looking in.
looking at all those skinny girls.
why cant i be thin.
i get stares and glances.
and no boys ever
make advances.
all these girls
saying their fat.
how can you look in the mirror
and think that?
you can go into anywhere
and find clothes to fit.
you can look at a bench filled with people
and still find room to sit.

im on the outside looking in
i have always wanted to be thin
when i started school
being chubby was kinda cool
it was a phase that everyone went through.
but everyone thinned out as we grew.
i have always the biggest in the class.
the biggest gut and biggest ass.
people used to taunt me.
saying fat was not at all pretty.
now my friends say
you are beautiful in another way.
i have a nice personality
but when i go out into reality
i will judged by what they see
they wont get to know the real me
all they see is the outside wall
thinking the couch and the fridge is my all
i am a person too
just because im bigger than you
i do more than eat lots of food.

im tired of being on the outside looking in
im tired of always wanting to be thin
no matter what people tell me any day
i know i AM beautiful in every way
every one needs to realize that
there IS beauty in this fat
one day youll look at me from afar
and realize i am a star
youll say man she is great and
i want to be like her some day.

ok for speech? let me know..

peace and love
al.

real life: im hiding my true self

walking around today seeing all of these happy people is really hard. im really sad. like devistated.

i hadnt realized how much i had gotten my hopes up. i was counting on going to all state. i have been working for that for 4 years. i thought we had it in the bag. i thought it was a given. we rocked. was it because we didnt finish?

and that judge was like "you did good. when you perform next time.... blah blah blah" um when you say next time how am i not supposed to assume that im going to fucking ALLSTATE!!!!

hmph well at least i have next year.... OH WAIT. I AM A FUCKING SENIOR I DONT HAVE NEXT YEAR!!!!!!! ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh.

lois was all like look on the bright side we made it so far blahdie blahdie blah. well its not that big of a let down for her because i dont think she understands how much of myself i put into my speech.

she has been in varsity sports and stuff.

i havent i never played varsity in volleyball. not even on senior night. i wont ever go anywhere in golf. ill never play my actual position in softball. ill never get out of right field. speech is where i SHINE. i ROCK theatre. at least i think i do.

do i just think im really good when im just average?? ugh.

this whole thing has got me thinking. now i dont even know if i want to do those poetry pieces that i picked. i want to do something that i write because i know i will feel more for it. i know i could link to it more.

bah. is it bad im actually not looking forward to speech tonight. thats how much this has affected me. people may say im dwelling or whining or whatever but you know what.? speech is my life. i would put that before everything and to be not chosen for that and people that havent doing it half as long or had to work half as hard got it just given to them. that sucks.

this all sucks. i want to cry. and eat toast with peanut butter on it.
a lot of toast.
a. LOT.

peace and love and tears.
al.

selling ice cream like a champ

thirty hours!!! thirty hours and i will know if i make it to allstate. this is like one of the most awesome things that could happen to me. this is the top of the top for speech. it would make my life if i was nominated for that. i have been working for that for 4 years. i will cry either way.

right now im working and selling ice cream for afterprom with daniel and leann hence the photo >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> :)

hims my bestfriend :). for ever and always.

anyhoo i better get back to work.
its like slave work.

peace and love
al.

2 days!!!!

hi, my name is alex. i am seventeen, ill be 18 in about 37 days. i am from lacona, iowa. well not from the town, i live on a farm. i raise cows and show sheep and hogs. i also show calves. i love my calves. washing and grooming them. there is just something about those actions is the most relaxing thing on the planet. i could really go for some grooming right now. but back to my life story. i have two parents, William and Sue. they have been married for 17 years on December 30th. my dad's birthday is on February 6th, and my mom's is on February 19th. same year. but thirteen days apart. im definitely a daddy's girl. i get pretty much whatever i ask for from him, but since we dont have the most money, i try not to ask for much. me and my mom fight a lot. no matter what i say to her durring those fights, i know that i love her soooo much, and she is the only true mama that i will ever have, and if i ever lose her, i will go crazy. i have 3 brothers, Aaron, Gary, Andy. first we shall start with Gary. he really hasnt ever been there for me. but he is also the only one that has ever told me that he loves me. he also used to kiss me on the cheek and hug me whenever we departed from eachother. he has the cutest babies ever. he has Alexis, Lana, Collin, and Ashton. Collin is dying. he isnt even a year old. now onto Andrew. we were the closest siblings ever when i was younger. im sure i have made a few blogs about him so i wont go into detail. but just know that his wife is Erin and they are going to have a baby (barf). Aaron. *smiles* he is the best big brother ever. he is being a brother himself, and then he makes up for what Andy is lacking. he is always there. thank you Aaron. I have one sister. but she is also my best friend. she is Andrea Michelle. i love her soooo much. we are close and junk. i love going to her house. there is so much that i could say but i dont want my readers to get bored.
hmm what else. im a senior in highschool. that is pretty stressful right there. i thought that senior year is supposed to be all fun and junk but there is more stress than anything i think. i attend Southeast Warren in Liberty Center.

i have loads of friends. ranging from besties to sometimes-ies.

i dont have any grandparents. they all died. my grandpa on my mom's side i never got to meet and my grandma from that side died when i was in like second or third grade. my grandma on my dad's side passed away a year after my first grandma. and my grandpa from that side died 2 years ago this past january. its kinda hard for me sometimes to not have any grandparents because my friends are always talking about how they spend time with them and their grandmas take them shopping, and i havent ever had that. and when i get married i wont have any one to sit in the first row with my parents. they wont get to go to my graduation. they didnt get to see me grow up. they wont get to see me succeed in life. and so on. so that sucks.

um i dont really know what else tell.
well im honest. im really blunt. if you ask me something im going to answer it no matter if it hurts your feelings or not. and if i have an opionion about you i will tell you. i try to say things to peoples faces instead of behind their back.

i hate drama but lately thats all that has been surrounding me. it gets old really fast. i mean i just want to have a fun life without having to worry about the people around me having drama.

oh and i hate stupid people. like ignorant people that contribute nothing to society. those kind of people are a waste of breathe in my opionion.

im big on respecting elders. and teachers. i didnt used to be but now i am.

oh i forgot to say what all im involved in in school.

ok there is volleyball, mascot, SPEECH, FFA, drama, softball, golf, JOOI, bowling for one year, 4-H, basketball statistician. yea im sure there is more, i just cant think of them right now.

thats me. in a big long outdrawn letter. but if you really know me, you know that there is more than just that.

peace and love.
al.

ocean front property

i absolutely love my life at the moment. i play games like err'day in my college class. i work on my college class sometimes:) me and lo are getting good again. melanie still doesnt like her but she is gonna have to realize that lois has been in my life for a long time and that isnt going to change because we have a little tiff.
this is how me and lo's relationship goes:

we are like sisters
we talk all the time
we have an argument
we talk about each other behind their backs
(mainly me)
we ignore each other,
we hash it out
and we are back to the beginning

i cant help it if she doesnt like one of my best friends. i dont think she gets the bond me and lois have. all she sees her for is a psycho.

well guess what, if being in love with a guy so much she cant get him out of her head makes her a psycho, then i have been one too. she is just impulsive. she lives life on the edge. she doesnt get around no matter what people think of her. she is NOT a slut. just because she has made out with a handfull of guys, that is NOT slutty in my dictionary. she has made mistakes. who doesnt? i believe i have made more than her in my day. she just makes them in different places in her life than others. so what? think about some of the people we know. how many guys have they had sex with. way more than lois has ever dated. but you have the right to judge her? just because she was in love with austin.

when i was in love with joey and he didnt like me back, i didnt care. i kept trying. we hung out all the time. he was all i talked, thought, and dreamt about. does that mean when i was infatuated with him that i was a psycho. no i dont think so.

she is one of the best people ever. i can tell her any secret and i know that she wont tell it to anyone. and if she thinks im being a dumb bitch she will tell me. if she thinks im being stupid she will tell me. she has intuition like no one ive met. we can be 4 states away and she will know when im sad. all she needs to say is "night al" and im happy again.

i love my lu.

and if you have a problem with that, im not sorry.
everyone has friends that have friends that we dont like, but you know what
she is an always and forever.
get used to it.

oh and i have a question for all of you. why do we always take austin's side? for most of us lois has been in our lives WAY longer than him.
im sorry Carrie, but i believe in girl code and i think we should give her another chance.
at least i am.

LOIS I CHOOSE YOU!

sorry i didnt expect to go this way today but i just needed to get that out.
peace and love.
al.

can i marry Damon?

hey yall!! HAPPY BLOG AGAIN!!!:)

so how was your weekend everyone? oh why thank you for asking, mine was pretty darn awesome.

state speech went well. me and lois may be going to all state. how freaking awesome is that? we wont be knowing until next sunday but we are so freaking nervous!!! at least i am.
we had the best performance that we have ever had.

and yesterday was pretty good we went to watch the girls dance then to my brothers house, then i got my gauges and now im back at school.

i dont really have much to talk about so ill be going now
:)
peace and love.
al.

i love taylor mali

i just read carries recent post about her dreams. those are weird darlin. but they made me miss my grandpa. i dont ever dream about him. i hate that. i never dream about anyone.

a couple months ago i went up to my mom and asked her what my grandma looked like. she told me that i had seen her and that i should know. but i cant for the life of me remember what my grandma looks like. so i told my mom that. she gets out this picture and show it to me and is like she had the most beautiful smile and it could light up the room, much like yours. and i tell her i still think im a bad person cuz i cant remember what my own grandma looks like she reassures me that its probably because my brain is saving me from seeing my grandma when she is was in such pain and that when i dream i will be able to see her but i just have to wait until the day comes that my brain says i am ready to handle it.

i still have this problem. i have all these memories of me and my grandma but i cant remember her face. its like she is in my memories but her face is blurred out. i pray and pray and pray that god will let me remember but it never happens. so now i still cry over this. i am right now. because i look at a picture of my grandma and i have to ask my mom who this is in the picture with me because i couldnt recognize her if my life depended on it.

grandma if you can somehow read this, i love you and you are always in my heart and i love you so much. i cannot wait for the day that i can go up to heaven to see your beautiful face and breath a sigh of relief. until that day happens i will never know what true beauty looks like. because i know that you are and were the most beautiful person to ever be on this earth. say hi to every one up there for me. i love you soooooo much.

sorry for the sadness everyone. blame carrie.

peace and love.
al.