hey yall. i really need to start blogging more often. hmm where to even start..??
how about the improv team!! i am so freaking happy that i made in on the team! i was the first one to get asked and the only girl to be on the team. im not really too sure why i made it but i dont really care. except i swear that now that im on it i get even more nervous when i get up and do a scene and i think twice about the stuff that i do now because im afraid that no one is going to think its funny or that it doesnt add to the scene. but i do get to go to regionals the first weekend in November!!:) they are in MINNEAPOLIS!!!:D
so yeah. and i like this guy named Nick but he put me in the friendzone already and is always complaining about girls to me, so that isnt going to happen but oh well cuz to be truly honest, im still not over HIM. you know who. NOT Voldemort!:) and yeah. i havent found a beau yet but i am not giving up :)
i went to the homecoming dance with Cameron last weekend. It was super fun and i must say that i looked frickin awesome! i about shit my pants when he asked me! i miss him a lot. he hasnt been my best friend for too long but i feel like i have come to start relying on him to get me through rough times and i dont know if that is a bad thing or not but he sure does make me smile whenever i need a smile. and trusts me which makes me feel really good about myself because i know that i still have someone out there that needs me.
i miss melanie. it seems like she is having so much fun in high school and with dustin that she is forgetting me. my mom and dad came up on saturday and she didnt even come up with them. she was with Dustin and i feel like betrayed because he lives ten minutes away and she can see him anytime but i live 2 and half hours away and i rarely get to see her. she should have come up here too. i need her sometimes and there are times where i feel as if she forgot all about me.
i have made some pretty awesome friends up here though. Nick is super fun and Ben is hilarious. Dani, Lizzy, Grace, George, Emily, Anna, Marty, Maria, and i cant even name all of them so yeah.. oh and Dakota!! he loves adventure time too! :) they are all super fun to hang out with and do stuff with. Kyler annoys me! a lot. like sometimes i cant freaking stand her!! dass otay tho cuz i gots Katelyn. She's pretty cool.
anyhoo. Thats my life so far.:)
peace and love.
al.
staring down the barrel of a loaded gun:)
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Douchey Black Guys
Hey yall. I am all moved in now and settled in to what is now my home. Today was a good day until the crew had to leave. I was good when Mel hugged me but then Cam came up and I gave him his flower from prom and said "dont forget me" and I made myself friggin cry. All will be well though. Tonight was a great night. We were going to just hang out in our dorm all night but then some of our roommate's friends came over and talked us into going out. So, I met so many people that I dont even remember their names. They were trying to find a party but I was content with just walking around socializing. I made a really good friend. Her name is Lexe (lexi) and she loves penguins too!!!!!:)
so all in all a good night.
now im going to go to bed because i have shit to do tomorrow!
night all.
peace and love.
al.
so all in all a good night.
now im going to go to bed because i have shit to do tomorrow!
night all.
peace and love.
al.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Holding Out For A Hero
Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods? Where's the street-wise Hercules to fight the rising odds? Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed? Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need.. I NEED A HERO.
Hello All. Sorry about that tad bit of song but that is one of the audition pieces that I have to sing when I try out for the vocal jazz and show choir at ICCC. Im t-e-r-r-i-f-i-e-d! Like shaking in my imaginary cowgirl boots, terrified. I know that people down here are all like "Oh, but Alex you are so awesome. You are like a singing goddess" *exaggeration* but you get my point. What if I go up there and everyone is all Glee, and I'm one of those people that try out for American Idol that the judges laugh at. I don't want to be laughed at.
I'm also afraid for my theatre audition but a little less scared. I'm still worried that since I was a big fish in a small pond when it came to acting here, that I'm going to be a gold fish in Lake Erie just hoping to survive.
Anyhoo, ignore my worries. I'm sure everything will turn out okay.
I'm freaking stoked to move away. I'm not ready for all of us to be so far away from each other though. I like the fact that I can be like "Hey, do you want to come over" and whoever is like "yeah, be there in ten".
Fact: I WILL make friends in college. I am lovable. I am nice. I am caring. I am a GREAT fricking friend.
So this girl said something to me last night and it has been bothering me since she said it. It wasn't anything bad. Actually it was really nice but I'll just tell you what she said. Lois and I were at this party/bonfire and we were talking to this girl and Lois and her were both talking about their boyfriends and I said something along the lines of "Oh, yeah, I'll just text my boyfriend too.... OH WAIT!!" And this girl was like "Wait you dont have a boyfriend??" and I was like "No, ma'am." and she said "How can that be, you are so nice!!"
I could have cried. I am aware of how nice I am. But I am also aware of how big I am. And sometimes that is a bigger deal breaker than my niceness. The reason it has been bothering me is because it shouldn't be that way. I am nice! I deserve to have a guy look at me and say she has a beautiful personality.
You wanna know something though. That statement she made, made me feel the best I have felt in a loooong time. Screw boys. Screw judgmental bitches. I am one damn awesome person, if you cant handle that then you can go eat shit. :)
peace and love.
al.
Hello All. Sorry about that tad bit of song but that is one of the audition pieces that I have to sing when I try out for the vocal jazz and show choir at ICCC. Im t-e-r-r-i-f-i-e-d! Like shaking in my imaginary cowgirl boots, terrified. I know that people down here are all like "Oh, but Alex you are so awesome. You are like a singing goddess" *exaggeration* but you get my point. What if I go up there and everyone is all Glee, and I'm one of those people that try out for American Idol that the judges laugh at. I don't want to be laughed at.
I'm also afraid for my theatre audition but a little less scared. I'm still worried that since I was a big fish in a small pond when it came to acting here, that I'm going to be a gold fish in Lake Erie just hoping to survive.
Anyhoo, ignore my worries. I'm sure everything will turn out okay.
I'm freaking stoked to move away. I'm not ready for all of us to be so far away from each other though. I like the fact that I can be like "Hey, do you want to come over" and whoever is like "yeah, be there in ten".
Fact: I WILL make friends in college. I am lovable. I am nice. I am caring. I am a GREAT fricking friend.
So this girl said something to me last night and it has been bothering me since she said it. It wasn't anything bad. Actually it was really nice but I'll just tell you what she said. Lois and I were at this party/bonfire and we were talking to this girl and Lois and her were both talking about their boyfriends and I said something along the lines of "Oh, yeah, I'll just text my boyfriend too.... OH WAIT!!" And this girl was like "Wait you dont have a boyfriend??" and I was like "No, ma'am." and she said "How can that be, you are so nice!!"
I could have cried. I am aware of how nice I am. But I am also aware of how big I am. And sometimes that is a bigger deal breaker than my niceness. The reason it has been bothering me is because it shouldn't be that way. I am nice! I deserve to have a guy look at me and say she has a beautiful personality.
You wanna know something though. That statement she made, made me feel the best I have felt in a loooong time. Screw boys. Screw judgmental bitches. I am one damn awesome person, if you cant handle that then you can go eat shit. :)
peace and love.
al.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Confessions of a Mad Black Woman
fact: i found a boy that is simply amazing.
confession: i think im in love with him.
fact: im going to college this august
confession: im afraid its going to be too hard and im going to fail
fact: im going to be in the theatre program up there at college
confession: im afraid im going to be average when everyone else is great.
fact: im going to be in the choir
confession: i dont want everyone else to think i sound like a dying pokemon
fact: ive lost 13 pounds
confession: no matter how much i lose, i will never be skinny enough.
fact: lois is one of my best friends.
confession: sometimes i wish she wasnt goin to the same college i am
fact: lois is one of my best friends
confession: sometimes i think she is the only things that is going to get me through college.
fact: my dream is to be on Broadway
confession: ill probably never make it out of Iowa.
fact: my dad and mom fight a lot
confession: im afraid when i leave for college my dad is goin to seriously hurt my mom
fact: im ready for the fair to be over
confession: im not so ready for the fair to be over.
fact: i have tons of friends
confession: i feel like they dont ever miss me.
confession: i feel like they dont ever miss me.
fact: we are all going to college this fall.
confession: i think we will drift apart even more than we already have.
fact: my name is alexandra jolynn sudbrock
confession: i have no idea who i am anymore..
peace and love
al.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Unadulterated Loathing
i am so stressed right now.
so everyone knows that i had butt surgery like three weeks ago today.
and for three weeks i have been in pain 24/7.
i hate taking my pain meds because they make me sleep. all the time. and that makes me feel lazy because im used to running around all the time and never sitting down.
so when i try to do something (bend over, carry something not at all heavy, sit, lay down) i am in pain that feels like someone is sticking a knife in my butt crack.
but i do it anyways or i feel reaaaally lazy.
but now that it has been a while my dad just expects me to get outside and go work with my animals like nothing ever happened. and i dont think that he realizes that i still have sutures in my butt that can still be ripped out if i do too much. and its not that i dont want to get out there and do stuff, because believe me, i do. i just cant.
and that leads me to my next point.
i CANT get out there and work with my calves or sheep and that is worrying me a ton.
i mean lois gets out there in the mornings and she works with the sheep a little but it just doesnt seem like it is long enough to do anything to them. and i cant blame her because i hated it when she wasnt here to work with the sheep and i had to do all five of them by myself. and melanie only helps if you ask and when you do ask it seems like it is a bother to her.
and the calves. ugh. the calves. i dont even know where to start.
they all weigh like one thousand pounds. one THOUSAND. and it hurts for my to pick up a forty pound bucket. how am i supposed to corral a crazy one thousand pound animal that is jumping around and being nuts because i didnt get them worked before with graduation and all that stuff going on i was so fracking busy. and i dont have a dad that is just going to get out there and break my animals. no i have to do it pretty much on my own. and im so afraid that they arent going to be broke by the fair and i wont be able to show them and i wont get enough money from them and i wont be able to pay the bank back because i had to borrow a whole lot because i had to pay for hay that didnt even go to my calves. and yeah if you cant tell by that run on sentence, i am cryin.
and on top of this my parents are bitch me out about anything and everything. even shit that lois or melanie do and i get yelled at. seriously. im sorry that i had to have surgery that you KNEW would incapacitate me for atleast a month.
what happens if i go to the doctor tomorrow and he says i cant get my sutures out yet so i still cant do anything. dad was banking on walking the calves when we get back from omaha on sunday. ugh.
and when i mention to aaron that i need his help breaking my calves he just laughs and is like "nope" like im kidding or something when im totally NOT!!!!.
yeah stress. i thought it would be over when school was done. i thought i could have one nice summer before i have to start a new chapter of my life. guess not.
peace and love and hating of my life.
al.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Samsung Computer
This blog is from a few days ago because my wifi was being uncooperative then....
Hey guys. i havent blogged in forever. i just realized that today.
i have been feeling kinda sad lately. i dont really know why but i
just want to cry like all the time.
it could be that all the guys i like either like another girl or
are totally oblivious to me. or both.
it could also be that i am really starting to feel fat again. i
used to be kinda ok with my body but lately i just feel like a whale. like next
year i wont be able to make any friends because all they will see is me. fat
me.
it could also be that im stuck in this frickin house because of
this gay ass surgery. no pun inteded. and i cant swim or go out to see my
animals or even barely bend over because i might break a stitch. and im in pain
CONSTANTLY.
it could be the fact that im going off to college this fall and
wont be able to see you guys much and the summer was when we were supposed to
all hang out but yet we arent. we are all sitting around alone. or whatever.
you know what i mean.
it could also be that i miss my brother. Carrie, i do feel bad
that you cant see your brother for a while but atleast that isnt his choice. if
it were up to him, he would have been at graduation and your party. i hate the
fact that Andy chose not to go to either of those things. i hate the fact that
they had a baby shower last weekend and i wasnt invited. i hate it that he is
living his life happily and i am stuck moarning a missing brother. i hate the
fact that he sent me a gift card to this Amway thing and no card. no
"congrats, al. still love you"
yeah. and that isnt even all of it. so the next time someone asks
me "whats wrong, alex?" and i say "i'm tired", im lying.
because i am just sad. thats all. sad.
yup sorry for the negativeness but thats all i got right now.
looking forward to a good day in Fort Dodge tomorrow with Lois.
peace and love and sadness.
al.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
How Do I Handle This??
Tomorrow is my last day at the dubb. How do I react to this? Do I jump around because I can't believe I actually made it this far... Or do I bawl because I'll never be able to call this place home again? All the memories shared here. All the fun times.. How do I say good-bye to all the memories?
This is supposed to be a time of celebration and junk but I jus dont know if I can. Celebrate that is.
I guess I'm just gonna take tomorrow one minute at a time and see how that goes. Ima clean out the rest of my locker, say my goodbyes and then I'll walk out of there being a student for the last time.
This is different. And difficult. And awkward.
Peace and love and tornness
Al.
This is supposed to be a time of celebration and junk but I jus dont know if I can. Celebrate that is.
I guess I'm just gonna take tomorrow one minute at a time and see how that goes. Ima clean out the rest of my locker, say my goodbyes and then I'll walk out of there being a student for the last time.
This is different. And difficult. And awkward.
Peace and love and tornness
Al.
Monday, May 7, 2012
To Matthew.
Im really tired of your complaining. If you dont like something that is happening in your life, then change it. You are 18, you have a job, and you are SO independent and BETTER than everyone else. So just move out. Get your own place. Your own car. New friends. because apparently we arent good enough be cause we have flaws. But guess what. While you are goin on and on and on about how much your life sucks, you fail to see that ours arent any better. I have tried to listen to you. But all you are is negative. If you cant see ANYTHING good in your life, then what would be the sense in us helping you. If you cant help yourself even the slightest, then you have more problems then just us "listening" will help. And also when you said how the people that stay here are pathetic and cant make it anywhere else, you were SO WRONG!!! It takes more balls to live here than anywhere else. Do you know how hard it is to find a decent job around here? And you usually have to get one in Des Moines and do you know how much it costs to drive up there everyday. Let alone how much it costs to buy an acre of land down here, ON TOP OF a house payment, and car payment and taxes and everything else. So before you go running your mouth about shit you have no idea what you are talking about just because you dont have enough social skills to make friends around here.
And you arent a very good christian at all if you cant forgive us or whatever you need to do. But all you do is sit there on your high horse and look down upon all of us like we are scum on the bottom of your expensive ass shoes that you walked yourself here in. Be a Godly man and pray. Isnt that what you are supposed to do in times of adversity and times of fortune.
And not to mention, Carrie let you stay at her house. How is that not caring????????
So what I'm getting at it is. Suck it up. Get over it. Or move on. Because hate to tell you, but you are down here in this community, so by your own standards, that makes YOU pathetic.
go on, get offended.
peace and love.
al.
And you arent a very good christian at all if you cant forgive us or whatever you need to do. But all you do is sit there on your high horse and look down upon all of us like we are scum on the bottom of your expensive ass shoes that you walked yourself here in. Be a Godly man and pray. Isnt that what you are supposed to do in times of adversity and times of fortune.
And not to mention, Carrie let you stay at her house. How is that not caring????????
So what I'm getting at it is. Suck it up. Get over it. Or move on. Because hate to tell you, but you are down here in this community, so by your own standards, that makes YOU pathetic.
go on, get offended.
peace and love.
al.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
is this going to mess you up?
im typing on this side.
just call me a rebel.
r
e
b
e
l
.
oh yea!!
so i like this boy.
lets call him frank.
frank. yeah. he's a frank.
ok so i like frank.
and he is super cute and nice and loving and funny and just so everything that i love.
but it is getting frustrating. he is against dating right now. bleh.
and we talk and text and junk and hes so nice to me and he makes me laugh and . ugh
see what i mean?
frustrating.
as hell.
ugh.
and im tired of being single.
because lois is always squeeling and stuff when she gets texts from josh and i feel like she is rubbing it in my face that she has a boyfriend and i dont. and i know she isnt meaning to but still. i wish she would tone it down. she makes me feel like crap because he makes her feel so happy any crap. ugh
whatever.
oh well.
and my mom is really fucking pissing me off. im ready to move the fuck out.
fuck her and my dad.
screw them all.
over and over and over again.
screw this whole place.
peace and love.
al.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
im a crazy ass, i know.:)
peace and love.
al.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
impending doom
im being really sentimental today. i dont know what it is but im just like on the verge of tears. i am thinking about graduation and how sad i am that im not going to see all of your guys' faces next year everyday. im afraid that im going to forget all of the memories that i have made over my life here at the dubb. i just dont know what im going to do without all of my best friends at my side almost every minute.
what is going to happen if i get a boyfriend and i cant go to your houses and tell you the good news.
what if i am having a bad day and cant stop crying. i wont be able to get a hug from you.
what if i just need a friend and i cant have one because you are all so far away.
i can barely go hours without you guys. how am i going to be able to go weeks and months without you. i mean there is always skype, but it just isnt the same thing. it isnt getting a hug on a day when i am having really bad stress issues. it isnt having you punch me in the boob because i put glitter on you. it isnt scratching me with your toenails just because you know i hate it. it isnt you. it is some screne projection of you. fake.
it wont be my friends when i need them.
and what happens when you guys make new friends and you have no time for me. what if i dont make any nd i get lonely. ill be the lone one when all of you are out there hanging with your new gangs. new friemly. new a team. new people that make you lose all time for me.
that is one of my biggest fear. that you will forget about me. that one day ill look back and say what happened to her? we were best friends and ill go to call you and i wont have your number and itll be like i made it all up. there will be no evidence you ever existed.
i dont want that to happen. i want it all to stay the same. when we are all one phone call away from being at eachothers houses. one text away from a weekend full of fun. when i can go to your house and say "hey, im stealing you" and you say "okay let me go grab some stuff" i dont want that to go away. i want to be able to call you at noon on a saturday and you arent doing anything so you come over and watch a will ferrel movie with me.
but there isnt any of that anymore.
no volleyball.
no mascot.
no basketball.
no speech.
and pretty soon no play
and then no school at all.
and then there is no us.
there will me.
and carrie.
and chrissy.
and lo.
and ashley.
and daniel.
and melanie.
i dont know. sorry for the sadness today guys. im just feeling it.
peace and love
al.
what is going to happen if i get a boyfriend and i cant go to your houses and tell you the good news.
what if i am having a bad day and cant stop crying. i wont be able to get a hug from you.
what if i just need a friend and i cant have one because you are all so far away.
i can barely go hours without you guys. how am i going to be able to go weeks and months without you. i mean there is always skype, but it just isnt the same thing. it isnt getting a hug on a day when i am having really bad stress issues. it isnt having you punch me in the boob because i put glitter on you. it isnt scratching me with your toenails just because you know i hate it. it isnt you. it is some screne projection of you. fake.
it wont be my friends when i need them.
and what happens when you guys make new friends and you have no time for me. what if i dont make any nd i get lonely. ill be the lone one when all of you are out there hanging with your new gangs. new friemly. new a team. new people that make you lose all time for me.
that is one of my biggest fear. that you will forget about me. that one day ill look back and say what happened to her? we were best friends and ill go to call you and i wont have your number and itll be like i made it all up. there will be no evidence you ever existed.
i dont want that to happen. i want it all to stay the same. when we are all one phone call away from being at eachothers houses. one text away from a weekend full of fun. when i can go to your house and say "hey, im stealing you" and you say "okay let me go grab some stuff" i dont want that to go away. i want to be able to call you at noon on a saturday and you arent doing anything so you come over and watch a will ferrel movie with me.
but there isnt any of that anymore.
no volleyball.
no mascot.
no basketball.
no speech.
and pretty soon no play
and then no school at all.
and then there is no us.
there will me.
and carrie.
and chrissy.
and lo.
and ashley.
and daniel.
and melanie.
i dont know. sorry for the sadness today guys. im just feeling it.
peace and love
al.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
where theres a will theres someone who gets all my shit
so the other day i was telling the foods class my will because i was sick and just messing around. but then i got to thinking... what if i did die soon and my parents did something stupid as fuck with my stuff. so im giving you guys my will.
in no particular order.
andrea, you get all of my clothes. the ones you dont want can go to good will.
lois, i want you to have all of my headbands and fun hair junk.
ashley, you get my earrings.
carrie, you may have my necklaces.
chrissy, you get my lovely book collection (some are probably yours anyway:})
erick, you may have my movies. (not tv series)
melanie, you get my tv series. except monk
mama, you get monk.
jen, you may have anything in my room or truck that you like. i just cant pin anything down for you.
same with cass.
chrissy. im giving you my truck because you need a dependable vehicle in your life ;)
i want everyone to butcher one of my calves (or more if needed) and have a dinner in honor of me.
i want chrissy to do my slideshow for my funeral
i dont want a normal preacher, i want melanie to do the honors.
i want daniel to read my eulogy
i want spencer to sing Coming Home by Gweneth Paltrow
i want carrie to sing something
i want my grave stone to be huge and awesome and i dont want it to say something stupid like beloved daughter or great friend.
it should say something like she was kick ass or here lays the blackest white girl i ever knew.
oh and i want my head shaved and my hair donated to locks of love.
i want all of my sports stuff given to charity. unless aaron wants my clubs back.
there should be a speech award named after me cuz im bad ass.
i want a body guard at my funeral so dumb ass douche bags cant come in. ill leave those for your guys' discretion.
i want my mascot to be hung in a trophy case at the school with a plaque that says how bad ass i was.
i want to be burried with my class ring, my pink teddy, in my gramma's nighty, hair in a ponytail, and anything anyone wants to put in there.
i cant think of anything else. so yea.
signed.
alexandra jolynn sudbrock
March 17th, 1994 - ??
peace and love.
al.
Monday, March 12, 2012
stupid school
fuck this shit. are you fucking kidding me??? you are going to block websites that are actually beneficial to our education but you dont block twitter or youtube?!?! THIS FUCKING STUPID!!!!!!! i hate the school system. now what am i supposed to do? actually work on class? I THINK NOT!!!!!
peace and love and irateness
al
peace and love and irateness
al
nonmatching fingernails
allstate nominations come out today.
i dont think i made it. i mean i had a good improv, obviously because i got straight ones.
but i just dont think that it is allstate material.
and if you read the judges comments, you would think the same.
i was so disappointed that i got a 2 for my poetry.
i put my heart and soul into that performance, and that makes me feel good that i did that but it still sucks i got a two.
just a footnote.
i dont want to make a big deal about this because i dont want to get sued for my right to free speech, but i think this cyber bullying assembly is stupid. especially since its just for the juniors and seniors. i mean, its not like us seniors even care. we have 2 months left. do it for the younger kids who might actually learn something. ugh. there is so much i want to say but i dont want to be sued for degredation of character, because there is no way in hell that im deleting my blog. if you dont like it, dont get on here and read it. plain and simple.
on a good note, i leave in roughly 5 days and 14 hours. how freakin awesome is that.
and its supposed to be nice up there. like upper sixties. and it doesnt look like its going to rain, so that is awesome too.
and im having a bon fire the night before leave and im getting my nails done for my birthday.
and i like this one kid and he is super cute.
he makes me tingle inside.
i was jumping around my kitchen last night when we were talking on skype.
and melanie was making fun of me. :(
but its ok thought because he is just so darn cute! and i kinda like him a lot.
i have known him for a while. well almost a year. and he is one person that i can talk to all the time about random ass crap and he is just chatting away with me, not judging or anything.
so cross all yo fingers about that.
well i dont really have anything else to talk about. so yeah.
peace and love.
al.
i dont think i made it. i mean i had a good improv, obviously because i got straight ones.
but i just dont think that it is allstate material.
and if you read the judges comments, you would think the same.
i was so disappointed that i got a 2 for my poetry.
i put my heart and soul into that performance, and that makes me feel good that i did that but it still sucks i got a two.
just a footnote.
i dont want to make a big deal about this because i dont want to get sued for my right to free speech, but i think this cyber bullying assembly is stupid. especially since its just for the juniors and seniors. i mean, its not like us seniors even care. we have 2 months left. do it for the younger kids who might actually learn something. ugh. there is so much i want to say but i dont want to be sued for degredation of character, because there is no way in hell that im deleting my blog. if you dont like it, dont get on here and read it. plain and simple.
on a good note, i leave in roughly 5 days and 14 hours. how freakin awesome is that.
and its supposed to be nice up there. like upper sixties. and it doesnt look like its going to rain, so that is awesome too.
and im having a bon fire the night before leave and im getting my nails done for my birthday.
and i like this one kid and he is super cute.
he makes me tingle inside.
i was jumping around my kitchen last night when we were talking on skype.
and melanie was making fun of me. :(
but its ok thought because he is just so darn cute! and i kinda like him a lot.
i have known him for a while. well almost a year. and he is one person that i can talk to all the time about random ass crap and he is just chatting away with me, not judging or anything.
so cross all yo fingers about that.
well i dont really have anything else to talk about. so yeah.
peace and love.
al.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
[important document enclosed]
i hope the title made you all want to read this because, well its important. maybe not to you. but it definitely is to me.
i have decided that i dont thank any of my friends enough for what they do. so i have decided im going to make a list of 100 things that my friends do that make me happy.
and im counting down to the most important one. the rest are in no specific order..
100. i can act however around you and you still accept me.
99. you can trust me.
98. i can trust you.
97. you make me smile just by looking at me.
96. when you have nothing else to do, you come to my house.
95. you like my toast.
94. you bug me when i'm asleep.
93. you tell me your problems (not the same as 99)
93. i can tell you embarassing things about me.
92. you dont judge me.
91. i can call you at any point in time and you will answer.
90. if im in the mood to argue, you will fight with me over the dumbest things.
89. always supporting me.
88. if i have a stupid question, you dont laugh.... for too long.
87. you laugh at my dumb jokes.
86. you still like me even though i'm brutely honest.
85. you tell me if i look fat in stuff.
84. always telling me i'm beautiful.
83. you laugh at me when i'm mad, which helps me calm my mood.
82. hugs. lots of hugs.
81. but then you give me my space when i need it.
80. you play games with me in college class.
79. you can keep my monkeying 20 minutes after the joke was told.
78. you compliment me on stuff i know im not good at.
77. you hold my hand in public, even tho we look like lezbians.
76. you are probably gettin bored right now but you will read on just to get to a part that is probably about you.:)
75. we can sit in a room and not talk but it isnt awkward.
74. we laugh at indianola kids.
73. you laugh at scary parts in movies which makes me laugh.
72. none of you are the same, and thats what makes our group work.
71. you tell me im not black.
70. you try to use my catch phrase because you are jealous that you dont have one.
69. heehhee
68. you will all laugh at that ^^
67. you laugh silently at almost ALL my jokes. especially one cassidy hates.
65. you laugh at the fact Galvin was a cow... for and hour.
64. you will wear heels with me to school on a whim.
63. you deal with my farts.
62. you deal with my stinky feet.
61. i can bum rides off of you.
60. i can steal you from your house and you are willing to stay for like 4 days.
59. you can use the right their, there, they're.
58. you have good grammar just in general.
57. you will do my hair anytime.
56. you stop me from fighting with my parents.. well you try.
55. you say things funny which make me laugh.
54. you will do my nails.
53. you will do my toe nails.
52. you can take my crap that i am always dishing out.
51. you cuddle in bed with me.
50. im halfway done and im hoping you're still with me.
49. you yell at people who stare at us.
48. you come over if you are having boy problems.
47. or had an awesome night with a boy.
46. you will walk on my back.
45. you let me give you advice, knowing i cant even take my own.
44. i can tell you that you are a failure and you laugh.
43. i can yell and yell and yell at you, but all you say is "what's wrong?"
42. you call yourself this. and i dont know why.
41. you tell me i'm beautiful
40. you let me be sappy.
39. you let me cuss like a sailor.
38. you try not to judge me on my selection of guys
37. you look up strange things on urban dictionary.
36. you yell at people who dont use correct grammaah.
35. you wont judge the fact that i just said grammaah.
34. because you do the same thing.
33. MINNII COOOPAAAAHH.
32. someone will understand that.
31. and giggle.
30.ive done seventy things and now im boring myself.
29-11. fill in your own. im sure ive said some stuff.
10. you rock
9. i can cry on your shoulder.
8. yu are addicted to vampire diaries.
7. you will make fun of me for spelling you wrong^^^
6. we make fun of jr high kids together.
5. you are going to new york with me.
4. you love me.
3. i can get mushy with you.
2. you skype me at all hours of the night
AND
!!! 1 !!! you accept me for who i am, you will never try to change me.
and for all of those things i love all of you dearly.
thanks for always being by my side.
i wouldnt be the same person without yall
peace and love
al.
i have decided that i dont thank any of my friends enough for what they do. so i have decided im going to make a list of 100 things that my friends do that make me happy.
and im counting down to the most important one. the rest are in no specific order..
100. i can act however around you and you still accept me.
99. you can trust me.
98. i can trust you.
97. you make me smile just by looking at me.
96. when you have nothing else to do, you come to my house.
95. you like my toast.
94. you bug me when i'm asleep.
93. you tell me your problems (not the same as 99)
93. i can tell you embarassing things about me.
92. you dont judge me.
91. i can call you at any point in time and you will answer.
90. if im in the mood to argue, you will fight with me over the dumbest things.
89. always supporting me.
88. if i have a stupid question, you dont laugh.... for too long.
87. you laugh at my dumb jokes.
86. you still like me even though i'm brutely honest.
85. you tell me if i look fat in stuff.
84. always telling me i'm beautiful.
83. you laugh at me when i'm mad, which helps me calm my mood.
82. hugs. lots of hugs.
81. but then you give me my space when i need it.
80. you play games with me in college class.
79. you can keep my monkeying 20 minutes after the joke was told.
78. you compliment me on stuff i know im not good at.
77. you hold my hand in public, even tho we look like lezbians.
76. you are probably gettin bored right now but you will read on just to get to a part that is probably about you.:)
75. we can sit in a room and not talk but it isnt awkward.
74. we laugh at indianola kids.
73. you laugh at scary parts in movies which makes me laugh.
72. none of you are the same, and thats what makes our group work.
71. you tell me im not black.
70. you try to use my catch phrase because you are jealous that you dont have one.
69. heehhee
68. you will all laugh at that ^^
67. you laugh silently at almost ALL my jokes. especially one cassidy hates.
65. you laugh at the fact Galvin was a cow... for and hour.
64. you will wear heels with me to school on a whim.
63. you deal with my farts.
62. you deal with my stinky feet.
61. i can bum rides off of you.
60. i can steal you from your house and you are willing to stay for like 4 days.
59. you can use the right their, there, they're.
58. you have good grammar just in general.
57. you will do my hair anytime.
56. you stop me from fighting with my parents.. well you try.
55. you say things funny which make me laugh.
54. you will do my nails.
53. you will do my toe nails.
52. you can take my crap that i am always dishing out.
51. you cuddle in bed with me.
50. im halfway done and im hoping you're still with me.
49. you yell at people who stare at us.
48. you come over if you are having boy problems.
47. or had an awesome night with a boy.
46. you will walk on my back.
45. you let me give you advice, knowing i cant even take my own.
44. i can tell you that you are a failure and you laugh.
43. i can yell and yell and yell at you, but all you say is "what's wrong?"
42. you call yourself this. and i dont know why.
41. you tell me i'm beautiful
40. you let me be sappy.
39. you let me cuss like a sailor.
38. you try not to judge me on my selection of guys
37. you look up strange things on urban dictionary.
36. you yell at people who dont use correct grammaah.
35. you wont judge the fact that i just said grammaah.
34. because you do the same thing.
33. MINNII COOOPAAAAHH.
32. someone will understand that.
31. and giggle.
30.ive done seventy things and now im boring myself.
29-11. fill in your own. im sure ive said some stuff.
10. you rock
9. i can cry on your shoulder.
8. yu are addicted to vampire diaries.
7. you will make fun of me for spelling you wrong^^^
6. we make fun of jr high kids together.
5. you are going to new york with me.
4. you love me.
3. i can get mushy with you.
2. you skype me at all hours of the night
AND
!!! 1 !!! you accept me for who i am, you will never try to change me.
and for all of those things i love all of you dearly.
thanks for always being by my side.
i wouldnt be the same person without yall
peace and love
al.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
good news
so i was on Web MD and you'll never guess what i found. medicine for hyperinsulinism!!! im just checking stuff out and BAM there it is!!! its a medication to make the pancreas slow down the output of insulin!!! that would make my life.
just picture it.
me skinny.
ME.
SKINNY!!!
no more fat rolls. no more heart breaks when i go shopping for things.
i would be so pretty. not that i'm ugly right now but just think of it.
i would be so happy. i cant even describe how happy i would be.
that would make my life.
so now im going to get an appointment so i can ask someone about it.
prayers please!!
i really want this!
peace and love and skinny thoughts.
al.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
got myself some internet :)
so as you can see i got myself some internet at me house.
its now SUDBROCK CAFE!
and i am now a BAMF
ummm so Mrs. Krug is posting the casting for the play tomorrow. super nervous. i really want to be Gert because (1) that was my grandma's name and she was like a super BAMF and (2) her character is just like my grandma and that would just be awesome.
i have a question. if i gave up cussing for lent (which im not doing the greatest at) does that mean for the duration of lent that i cant use phrases such as: BAMF, LMAO, ROFLMAO, LMMFAO, etc? serious question, not hypothetical vvvvv comment below vvvvv
um i think that is it. im going to go and try to hook up my wireless rouder(?) now.
peace and love, gents.
al.
its now SUDBROCK CAFE!
and i am now a BAMF
ummm so Mrs. Krug is posting the casting for the play tomorrow. super nervous. i really want to be Gert because (1) that was my grandma's name and she was like a super BAMF and (2) her character is just like my grandma and that would just be awesome.
i have a question. if i gave up cussing for lent (which im not doing the greatest at) does that mean for the duration of lent that i cant use phrases such as: BAMF, LMAO, ROFLMAO, LMMFAO, etc? serious question, not hypothetical vvvvv comment below vvvvv
um i think that is it. im going to go and try to hook up my wireless rouder(?) now.
peace and love, gents.
al.
Monday, February 27, 2012
new fancy clothes
so my mom says that i need to go to new york in style she bought me a couple cute shirts and some earrings and next weekend we are going jean shopping. thats all for the fancy clothes
im goin to STATE!!!!! woooo!!! im so excited i was so nervous for improv that i couldnt eat all day. but then i got up there and ROCKED IT!! woot. and my poems were good but that judge gave everyone in my section a 1. so idk about that. ohh well maybe they were all rockstars:)
so state is in 2 weeks. lets hope for a bunch of allstate nominations!!! that would rock.
oh and tryouts for the spring play is today and tomorrow. *fingers crossed* my grades are awesome so i hopefully will get a good part!! *crosses fingers*
thats all for today:)
love yall
peace and love.
al.
im goin to STATE!!!!! woooo!!! im so excited i was so nervous for improv that i couldnt eat all day. but then i got up there and ROCKED IT!! woot. and my poems were good but that judge gave everyone in my section a 1. so idk about that. ohh well maybe they were all rockstars:)
so state is in 2 weeks. lets hope for a bunch of allstate nominations!!! that would rock.
oh and tryouts for the spring play is today and tomorrow. *fingers crossed* my grades are awesome so i hopefully will get a good part!! *crosses fingers*
thats all for today:)
love yall
peace and love.
al.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
henna on my hand
im not really sure what to write about. there are so many things that i need to talk about. so i guess ill start with speech
i love speech.
with all my heart.
and im good at it.
i cant say that about much else.
and this weekend is districts.
and it could possibly be the last speech contest that i ever perform at.
and that makes me sad.
and i dont really know what else to talk about
i dont know.
i just dont know.
at all
anything.
i dont want to leave this place
i can move out of my house but to leave this place.
these halls
the people
the activities
the teachers.
the memories.
those i cant leave.
the signs on the lockers.
sitting in the MC and playing games with Cass and Spence
our talks in connections.
everything about this school is what makes me want to stay.
even the gross school lunches.
the feeling about being on a team.
the feelings of a job done well when you get an A on a vanny test.
all of that.
and more.
i dont know what it is about this day that is making me like this
but im just like blahhhhhh. wanna cry.
and not leave.
ever.
ever.
never.
next week is try-outs for the spring play.
im excited.
and also not.
for 2 reasons.
1) i cant bare to not get a part again this year. that broke my heart last year.
2)that means the end is near.
but mostly number 1 is what is worrying me. she said that i couldnt be counted on last year....
.
.
.
.
.
but i was passing the whole time.
but it didnt matter.
like i said,
broken heart.
i live for this stuff.
speech.
drama.
acting.
krug in general.
i look up to her. i wanna be like her.
i wanna be a speech coach and loved by everyone.
i wanna be just an awesome person.
but to do that i have to leave.
and that i cant do right now.
i cant remove myself from the environment that i grew up with my entire life.
when May 19th comes im going to be a wreck.
balling my eyes out
blubbering like a baby,
w.r.e.c.k.
i cant go on.
itll be like this the whole time.
sorry guys.
im a baby today.
peace and love.
al.
i love speech.
with all my heart.
and im good at it.
i cant say that about much else.
and this weekend is districts.
and it could possibly be the last speech contest that i ever perform at.
and that makes me sad.
and i dont really know what else to talk about
i dont know.
i just dont know.
at all
anything.
i dont want to leave this place
i can move out of my house but to leave this place.
these halls
the people
the activities
the teachers.
the memories.
those i cant leave.
the signs on the lockers.
sitting in the MC and playing games with Cass and Spence
our talks in connections.
everything about this school is what makes me want to stay.
even the gross school lunches.
the feeling about being on a team.
the feelings of a job done well when you get an A on a vanny test.
all of that.
and more.
i dont know what it is about this day that is making me like this
but im just like blahhhhhh. wanna cry.
and not leave.
ever.
ever.
never.
next week is try-outs for the spring play.
im excited.
and also not.
for 2 reasons.
1) i cant bare to not get a part again this year. that broke my heart last year.
2)that means the end is near.
but mostly number 1 is what is worrying me. she said that i couldnt be counted on last year....
.
.
.
.
.
but i was passing the whole time.
but it didnt matter.
like i said,
broken heart.
i live for this stuff.
speech.
drama.
acting.
krug in general.
i look up to her. i wanna be like her.
i wanna be a speech coach and loved by everyone.
i wanna be just an awesome person.
but to do that i have to leave.
and that i cant do right now.
i cant remove myself from the environment that i grew up with my entire life.
when May 19th comes im going to be a wreck.
balling my eyes out
blubbering like a baby,
w.r.e.c.k.
i cant go on.
itll be like this the whole time.
sorry guys.
im a baby today.
peace and love.
al.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
coming home
he needs to leave. he needs to leave. LEAVE YOU FUCKER!!!!
this is my class where i can sing my heart out and not have a care but now that he walked in here im all over aware and shit and ugh. LEAVE!!!
theres no love from me right now
peace
al.
she doesnt know who Javier is
im thinking about writing a letter to my brother. tell him what is been going on in my life. i dont know if he even wants to know but i know that i want to know what is goin on in his so maybe if i tell him, he will do the same. im still really mad at him but i really miss him at the same time.
ok im going to write it on here first and see what you all think.
Andy,
hey big brother. i havent talked to you for a long time and i was just thinking about you and i was thinking that maybe you have wondered what has been going on with my life.
well first of all, i'm a senior now. we've only got 88 days until graduation. 26 days till i turn 18 and leave for New York City. i am spending my spring break there this year for a vocal trip. we will be visiting the statue of liberty, ellis island, strawberry fields, and whole bunch of other things. IM SUPER EXCITED!!
but senior year is quickly approaching the end and that makes me sad. i dont really want to leave. its been a really busy year for me though. trying to make plans for next year, sports, im the secretary for the FFA, speech, and all my classes. and trying to have a social life. its a nonstop adventure at the Sudbrock household.
speech has been an awesome time though for me because i made to state in two events and went to allstate this weekend in improvisation. this weekend is districts for individuals at Earlham. i am performing poetry that i wrote and individual improv. im SUPER nervous, but also kind of excited because i got a medal on thursday for both of my events, so i hope that is a good sign that i could make it to allstate, cause that is kind of a big deal.
not much else has been happening. oh i got my show calves for this year. i have 2 purebred shorthorns and 1 purebred herford.
congrats on the baby!
i miss you so much.
we need to see eachother sometime.
love always,
ally.
ps i graduate on May 19th. :)
is that ok?
peace and love
al.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
its another poem guiiiz
im breaking the mold
setting myself free
i no lover care what people think
im going to be me
ill walk around with world
without a single care
come along with me
join me if you dare
im taking little steps
to clear all my doubts
and soon someday im going to be out
out of the stereotypes
gone with the mold
ill no longer be a follower
i refuse to do what im told
im crazy, im new,
im awesome. im BOLD
love yall
thanks for all of your guys inspiration!!
i had a block for a long time but its gone.
today sitting at lunch we were talking about breaking the mold and BAM i looked at spencer and asked if she had a pen. she handed me on and 2 minutes later my arm is covered with the poem.
i would like some feed back and if anyone has any ideas for more poems please let me know. i find i write better when its something that deals with me or my friends or family.
peace and love
al.
setting myself free
i no lover care what people think
im going to be me
ill walk around with world
without a single care
come along with me
join me if you dare
im taking little steps
to clear all my doubts
and soon someday im going to be out
out of the stereotypes
gone with the mold
ill no longer be a follower
i refuse to do what im told
im crazy, im new,
im awesome. im BOLD
love yall
thanks for all of your guys inspiration!!
i had a block for a long time but its gone.
today sitting at lunch we were talking about breaking the mold and BAM i looked at spencer and asked if she had a pen. she handed me on and 2 minutes later my arm is covered with the poem.
i would like some feed back and if anyone has any ideas for more poems please let me know. i find i write better when its something that deals with me or my friends or family.
peace and love
al.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
sorry i do this a lot
sorry if i blog too much you guys. sometimes its my only way to vent. and i always have stuff on my mind that i feel needs to get out.
so now onto my next item of business. valentine's day. im not a big fan of valentine's day. not because i dont have a boy friend or blah blah blah, but because i believe if you love someone you should tell them anyday not just of Feb. 14th. anyhoo so usually i just do what i do on any given day except i give out little valentines like i have since like pre-school. and mom asked me if i thought i was too old to be doing this and i was like "uh NO" so here i am handing out valentines to all of my loves:) and i also bought carnations for people. lo, carrie, cass, chris, dan, krug, and jen. and well i got a couple my self.
first im going to talk about the red one. that would be from daniel. :) what he wrote was so freaking cute! he made me cry. he talked about how great of a person i have become and that im going to do awesome things in the future. i love him so much. he even got me 2 flowers. with a giant bow. he is so awesome. thats why he is my best friend.
my second one was from my husband:) if you dont know who that is... well im not going to tell you. but he was also cute in my letter. he was all like im not a compassionate writer but i thought this would be nice. it was nice. he is so cute. im glad he is my prom date! i also think i may have a slight, teensie, little, bitty crush on him. but how can that be wrong, he is my hubby.
whoever may be reading this. dont tell him. if i have the balls someday i shall tell him myself. if not we will still be friends cuz he is awesome and im going to college next year anyway.
yup thats it.
i promise ill stop blogging for a while now
peace and love.
al.
so now onto my next item of business. valentine's day. im not a big fan of valentine's day. not because i dont have a boy friend or blah blah blah, but because i believe if you love someone you should tell them anyday not just of Feb. 14th. anyhoo so usually i just do what i do on any given day except i give out little valentines like i have since like pre-school. and mom asked me if i thought i was too old to be doing this and i was like "uh NO" so here i am handing out valentines to all of my loves:) and i also bought carnations for people. lo, carrie, cass, chris, dan, krug, and jen. and well i got a couple my self.
first im going to talk about the red one. that would be from daniel. :) what he wrote was so freaking cute! he made me cry. he talked about how great of a person i have become and that im going to do awesome things in the future. i love him so much. he even got me 2 flowers. with a giant bow. he is so awesome. thats why he is my best friend.
my second one was from my husband:) if you dont know who that is... well im not going to tell you. but he was also cute in my letter. he was all like im not a compassionate writer but i thought this would be nice. it was nice. he is so cute. im glad he is my prom date! i also think i may have a slight, teensie, little, bitty crush on him. but how can that be wrong, he is my hubby.
whoever may be reading this. dont tell him. if i have the balls someday i shall tell him myself. if not we will still be friends cuz he is awesome and im going to college next year anyway.
yup thats it.
i promise ill stop blogging for a while now
peace and love.
al.
peanut was my lover bunch
dear carrie,
i know what you are going through.
i have been through that a lot.
losing a dog really sucks.
you can always tell when a dog loves someone
and when they love its the unconditional kind of love,
the kind you can only get from a dog.
the kind they give you when you first come home
and they are jumping at you to lick your face
and give you all kinds of kisses because they missed you.
when they bark at you as you pull into your drive way
with that big ole goofy smile on their face.
when they have to go potty and they come up to you with that look on their
face that says "i really gotta go, but if you need to, i can wait"
when you are sad or upset and they know it and they just sit and look at you
or they lay in front of you so no one could get at you and hurt you again.
the way they roll over onto their belly when they want it scratched.
with every motion they have, they do it with love.
and when you lose that its like losing part of your family.
like part of your heart and soul just died.
but ive got something to tell you.
doggies go to heaven and right now Audi is playing with Peanut and Rusty and Smokie(my dogs that have died)
and they are having a blast of a time
running through the beautiful fields of Heaven with chew toys in their mouths,
and im sure Kimmy is up there giving them belly rubs and playing with them.
and when we get up there, they will be there barking and smiling and licking us just like they did
when we were down here.
and then there will a party in heaven.
all will be well child.
i love you Carrie.
if you need to talk, let me know.
Bosco is always here for you.
peace and love.
al.
more brain diarhea
i need a title for this one. if anyone has any ideas let me know or comment :)
You cut yourself up
To slim yourself down
Try to be small
So everyone is proud
The doc says you are fat
And that’s not all right with you
You think to be pretty
You have to lose a few
Look in magazines
And the latest books
Everyone is pretty
No matter where you look
They make us shave our legs
Die our hair
Making everyone very self aware
They point all of our flaws out
And fill us full of self hatred and doubt
Why cant we be us
They way we were meant to be
Is God didn’t want me fat
I would be skinny
So get off of my back
Ill be whatever size I choose
And if I do want to lose some weight,
It wont be because of you.
Size Doesnt Matter
Its not at all cool to be fat
Doctors, magazines, and people on the street make
Sure you know that.
36-24-36
The perfect size
I thought Beauty is supposed to be
More than what is seen by the eyes.
All of these doctors saying
You’re over weight
That’s not good for your health.
But at the end of the day
all they care about
is their wealth.
When it comes to my body
I should be the only judge
Not some doctor
Who thinks I should get rid of my pudge.
People wonder why girls nowadays
Are full of self doubts
Its because they sit and look in the mirror
And point all the wrong things out
So get off of your high horse
If I like who I am
Then it doesn’t matter
If im “normal” size or
If I am just a little bit fatter.
Monday, February 13, 2012
brain diarhea
im on the outside looking in.
looking at all those skinny girls.
why cant i be thin.
i get stares and glances.
and no boys ever
make advances.
all these girls
saying their fat.
how can you look in the mirror
and think that?
you can go into anywhere
and find clothes to fit.
you can look at a bench filled with people
and still find room to sit.
im on the outside looking in
i have always wanted to be thin
when i started school
being chubby was kinda cool
it was a phase that everyone went through.
but everyone thinned out as we grew.
i have always the biggest in the class.
the biggest gut and biggest ass.
people used to taunt me.
saying fat was not at all pretty.
now my friends say
you are beautiful in another way.
i have a nice personality
but when i go out into reality
i will judged by what they see
they wont get to know the real me
all they see is the outside wall
thinking the couch and the fridge is my all
i am a person too
just because im bigger than you
i do more than eat lots of food.
im tired of being on the outside looking in
im tired of always wanting to be thin
no matter what people tell me any day
i know i AM beautiful in every way
every one needs to realize that
there IS beauty in this fat
one day youll look at me from afar
and realize i am a star
youll say man she is great and
i want to be like her some day.
ok for speech? let me know..
peace and love
al.
looking at all those skinny girls.
why cant i be thin.
i get stares and glances.
and no boys ever
make advances.
all these girls
saying their fat.
how can you look in the mirror
and think that?
you can go into anywhere
and find clothes to fit.
you can look at a bench filled with people
and still find room to sit.
im on the outside looking in
i have always wanted to be thin
when i started school
being chubby was kinda cool
it was a phase that everyone went through.
but everyone thinned out as we grew.
i have always the biggest in the class.
the biggest gut and biggest ass.
people used to taunt me.
saying fat was not at all pretty.
now my friends say
you are beautiful in another way.
i have a nice personality
but when i go out into reality
i will judged by what they see
they wont get to know the real me
all they see is the outside wall
thinking the couch and the fridge is my all
i am a person too
just because im bigger than you
i do more than eat lots of food.
im tired of being on the outside looking in
im tired of always wanting to be thin
no matter what people tell me any day
i know i AM beautiful in every way
every one needs to realize that
there IS beauty in this fat
one day youll look at me from afar
and realize i am a star
youll say man she is great and
i want to be like her some day.
ok for speech? let me know..
peace and love
al.
real life: im hiding my true self
walking around today seeing all of these happy people is really hard. im really sad. like devistated.
i hadnt realized how much i had gotten my hopes up. i was counting on going to all state. i have been working for that for 4 years. i thought we had it in the bag. i thought it was a given. we rocked. was it because we didnt finish?
and that judge was like "you did good. when you perform next time.... blah blah blah" um when you say next time how am i not supposed to assume that im going to fucking ALLSTATE!!!!
hmph well at least i have next year.... OH WAIT. I AM A FUCKING SENIOR I DONT HAVE NEXT YEAR!!!!!!! ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh.
lois was all like look on the bright side we made it so far blahdie blahdie blah. well its not that big of a let down for her because i dont think she understands how much of myself i put into my speech.
she has been in varsity sports and stuff.
i havent i never played varsity in volleyball. not even on senior night. i wont ever go anywhere in golf. ill never play my actual position in softball. ill never get out of right field. speech is where i SHINE. i ROCK theatre. at least i think i do.
do i just think im really good when im just average?? ugh.
this whole thing has got me thinking. now i dont even know if i want to do those poetry pieces that i picked. i want to do something that i write because i know i will feel more for it. i know i could link to it more.
bah. is it bad im actually not looking forward to speech tonight. thats how much this has affected me. people may say im dwelling or whining or whatever but you know what.? speech is my life. i would put that before everything and to be not chosen for that and people that havent doing it half as long or had to work half as hard got it just given to them. that sucks.
this all sucks. i want to cry. and eat toast with peanut butter on it.
a lot of toast.
a. LOT.
peace and love and tears.
al.
i hadnt realized how much i had gotten my hopes up. i was counting on going to all state. i have been working for that for 4 years. i thought we had it in the bag. i thought it was a given. we rocked. was it because we didnt finish?
and that judge was like "you did good. when you perform next time.... blah blah blah" um when you say next time how am i not supposed to assume that im going to fucking ALLSTATE!!!!
hmph well at least i have next year.... OH WAIT. I AM A FUCKING SENIOR I DONT HAVE NEXT YEAR!!!!!!! ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh.
lois was all like look on the bright side we made it so far blahdie blahdie blah. well its not that big of a let down for her because i dont think she understands how much of myself i put into my speech.
she has been in varsity sports and stuff.
i havent i never played varsity in volleyball. not even on senior night. i wont ever go anywhere in golf. ill never play my actual position in softball. ill never get out of right field. speech is where i SHINE. i ROCK theatre. at least i think i do.
do i just think im really good when im just average?? ugh.
this whole thing has got me thinking. now i dont even know if i want to do those poetry pieces that i picked. i want to do something that i write because i know i will feel more for it. i know i could link to it more.
bah. is it bad im actually not looking forward to speech tonight. thats how much this has affected me. people may say im dwelling or whining or whatever but you know what.? speech is my life. i would put that before everything and to be not chosen for that and people that havent doing it half as long or had to work half as hard got it just given to them. that sucks.
this all sucks. i want to cry. and eat toast with peanut butter on it.
a lot of toast.
a. LOT.
peace and love and tears.
al.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
selling ice cream like a champ
thirty hours!!! thirty hours and i will know if i make it to allstate. this is like one of the most awesome things that could happen to me. this is the top of the top for speech. it would make my life if i was nominated for that. i have been working for that for 4 years. i will cry either way.right now im working and selling ice cream for afterprom with daniel and leann hence the photo >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> :)
hims my bestfriend :). for ever and always.
anyhoo i better get back to work.
its like slave work.
peace and love
al.
Friday, February 10, 2012
2 days!!!!
hi, my name is alex. i am seventeen, ill be 18 in about 37 days. i am from lacona, iowa. well not from the town, i live on a farm. i raise cows and show sheep and hogs. i also show calves. i love my calves. washing and grooming them. there is just something about those actions is the most relaxing thing on the planet. i could really go for some grooming right now. but back to my life story. i have two parents, William and Sue. they have been married for 17 years on December 30th. my dad's birthday is on February 6th, and my mom's is on February 19th. same year. but thirteen days apart. im definitely a daddy's girl. i get pretty much whatever i ask for from him, but since we dont have the most money, i try not to ask for much. me and my mom fight a lot. no matter what i say to her durring those fights, i know that i love her soooo much, and she is the only true mama that i will ever have, and if i ever lose her, i will go crazy. i have 3 brothers, Aaron, Gary, Andy. first we shall start with Gary. he really hasnt ever been there for me. but he is also the only one that has ever told me that he loves me. he also used to kiss me on the cheek and hug me whenever we departed from eachother. he has the cutest babies ever. he has Alexis, Lana, Collin, and Ashton. Collin is dying. he isnt even a year old. now onto Andrew. we were the closest siblings ever when i was younger. im sure i have made a few blogs about him so i wont go into detail. but just know that his wife is Erin and they are going to have a baby (barf). Aaron. *smiles* he is the best big brother ever. he is being a brother himself, and then he makes up for what Andy is lacking. he is always there. thank you Aaron. I have one sister. but she is also my best friend. she is Andrea Michelle. i love her soooo much. we are close and junk. i love going to her house. there is so much that i could say but i dont want my readers to get bored.
hmm what else. im a senior in highschool. that is pretty stressful right there. i thought that senior year is supposed to be all fun and junk but there is more stress than anything i think. i attend Southeast Warren in Liberty Center.
i have loads of friends. ranging from besties to sometimes-ies.
i dont have any grandparents. they all died. my grandpa on my mom's side i never got to meet and my grandma from that side died when i was in like second or third grade. my grandma on my dad's side passed away a year after my first grandma. and my grandpa from that side died 2 years ago this past january. its kinda hard for me sometimes to not have any grandparents because my friends are always talking about how they spend time with them and their grandmas take them shopping, and i havent ever had that. and when i get married i wont have any one to sit in the first row with my parents. they wont get to go to my graduation. they didnt get to see me grow up. they wont get to see me succeed in life. and so on. so that sucks.
um i dont really know what else tell.
well im honest. im really blunt. if you ask me something im going to answer it no matter if it hurts your feelings or not. and if i have an opionion about you i will tell you. i try to say things to peoples faces instead of behind their back.
i hate drama but lately thats all that has been surrounding me. it gets old really fast. i mean i just want to have a fun life without having to worry about the people around me having drama.
oh and i hate stupid people. like ignorant people that contribute nothing to society. those kind of people are a waste of breathe in my opionion.
im big on respecting elders. and teachers. i didnt used to be but now i am.
oh i forgot to say what all im involved in in school.
ok there is volleyball, mascot, SPEECH, FFA, drama, softball, golf, JOOI, bowling for one year, 4-H, basketball statistician. yea im sure there is more, i just cant think of them right now.
thats me. in a big long outdrawn letter. but if you really know me, you know that there is more than just that.
peace and love.
al.
hmm what else. im a senior in highschool. that is pretty stressful right there. i thought that senior year is supposed to be all fun and junk but there is more stress than anything i think. i attend Southeast Warren in Liberty Center.
i have loads of friends. ranging from besties to sometimes-ies.
i dont have any grandparents. they all died. my grandpa on my mom's side i never got to meet and my grandma from that side died when i was in like second or third grade. my grandma on my dad's side passed away a year after my first grandma. and my grandpa from that side died 2 years ago this past january. its kinda hard for me sometimes to not have any grandparents because my friends are always talking about how they spend time with them and their grandmas take them shopping, and i havent ever had that. and when i get married i wont have any one to sit in the first row with my parents. they wont get to go to my graduation. they didnt get to see me grow up. they wont get to see me succeed in life. and so on. so that sucks.
um i dont really know what else tell.
well im honest. im really blunt. if you ask me something im going to answer it no matter if it hurts your feelings or not. and if i have an opionion about you i will tell you. i try to say things to peoples faces instead of behind their back.
i hate drama but lately thats all that has been surrounding me. it gets old really fast. i mean i just want to have a fun life without having to worry about the people around me having drama.
oh and i hate stupid people. like ignorant people that contribute nothing to society. those kind of people are a waste of breathe in my opionion.
im big on respecting elders. and teachers. i didnt used to be but now i am.
oh i forgot to say what all im involved in in school.
ok there is volleyball, mascot, SPEECH, FFA, drama, softball, golf, JOOI, bowling for one year, 4-H, basketball statistician. yea im sure there is more, i just cant think of them right now.
thats me. in a big long outdrawn letter. but if you really know me, you know that there is more than just that.
peace and love.
al.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
ocean front property
i absolutely love my life at the moment. i play games like err'day in my college class. i work on my college class sometimes:) me and lo are getting good again. melanie still doesnt like her but she is gonna have to realize that lois has been in my life for a long time and that isnt going to change because we have a little tiff.
this is how me and lo's relationship goes:
we are like sisters
we talk all the time
we have an argument
we talk about each other behind their backs
(mainly me)
we ignore each other,
we hash it out
and we are back to the beginning
i cant help it if she doesnt like one of my best friends. i dont think she gets the bond me and lois have. all she sees her for is a psycho.
well guess what, if being in love with a guy so much she cant get him out of her head makes her a psycho, then i have been one too. she is just impulsive. she lives life on the edge. she doesnt get around no matter what people think of her. she is NOT a slut. just because she has made out with a handfull of guys, that is NOT slutty in my dictionary. she has made mistakes. who doesnt? i believe i have made more than her in my day. she just makes them in different places in her life than others. so what? think about some of the people we know. how many guys have they had sex with. way more than lois has ever dated. but you have the right to judge her? just because she was in love with austin.
when i was in love with joey and he didnt like me back, i didnt care. i kept trying. we hung out all the time. he was all i talked, thought, and dreamt about. does that mean when i was infatuated with him that i was a psycho. no i dont think so.
she is one of the best people ever. i can tell her any secret and i know that she wont tell it to anyone. and if she thinks im being a dumb bitch she will tell me. if she thinks im being stupid she will tell me. she has intuition like no one ive met. we can be 4 states away and she will know when im sad. all she needs to say is "night al" and im happy again.
i love my lu.
and if you have a problem with that, im not sorry.
everyone has friends that have friends that we dont like, but you know what
she is an always and forever.
get used to it.
oh and i have a question for all of you. why do we always take austin's side? for most of us lois has been in our lives WAY longer than him.
im sorry Carrie, but i believe in girl code and i think we should give her another chance.
at least i am.
LOIS I CHOOSE YOU!
sorry i didnt expect to go this way today but i just needed to get that out.
peace and love.
al.
this is how me and lo's relationship goes:
we are like sisters
we talk all the time
we have an argument
we talk about each other behind their backs
(mainly me)
we ignore each other,
we hash it out
and we are back to the beginning
i cant help it if she doesnt like one of my best friends. i dont think she gets the bond me and lois have. all she sees her for is a psycho.
well guess what, if being in love with a guy so much she cant get him out of her head makes her a psycho, then i have been one too. she is just impulsive. she lives life on the edge. she doesnt get around no matter what people think of her. she is NOT a slut. just because she has made out with a handfull of guys, that is NOT slutty in my dictionary. she has made mistakes. who doesnt? i believe i have made more than her in my day. she just makes them in different places in her life than others. so what? think about some of the people we know. how many guys have they had sex with. way more than lois has ever dated. but you have the right to judge her? just because she was in love with austin.
when i was in love with joey and he didnt like me back, i didnt care. i kept trying. we hung out all the time. he was all i talked, thought, and dreamt about. does that mean when i was infatuated with him that i was a psycho. no i dont think so.
she is one of the best people ever. i can tell her any secret and i know that she wont tell it to anyone. and if she thinks im being a dumb bitch she will tell me. if she thinks im being stupid she will tell me. she has intuition like no one ive met. we can be 4 states away and she will know when im sad. all she needs to say is "night al" and im happy again.
i love my lu.
and if you have a problem with that, im not sorry.
everyone has friends that have friends that we dont like, but you know what
she is an always and forever.
get used to it.
oh and i have a question for all of you. why do we always take austin's side? for most of us lois has been in our lives WAY longer than him.
im sorry Carrie, but i believe in girl code and i think we should give her another chance.
at least i am.
LOIS I CHOOSE YOU!
sorry i didnt expect to go this way today but i just needed to get that out.
peace and love.
al.
Monday, February 6, 2012
can i marry Damon?
hey yall!! HAPPY BLOG AGAIN!!!:)
so how was your weekend everyone? oh why thank you for asking, mine was pretty darn awesome.
state speech went well. me and lois may be going to all state. how freaking awesome is that? we wont be knowing until next sunday but we are so freaking nervous!!! at least i am.
we had the best performance that we have ever had.
and yesterday was pretty good we went to watch the girls dance then to my brothers house, then i got my gauges and now im back at school.
i dont really have much to talk about so ill be going now
:)
peace and love.
al.
so how was your weekend everyone? oh why thank you for asking, mine was pretty darn awesome.
state speech went well. me and lois may be going to all state. how freaking awesome is that? we wont be knowing until next sunday but we are so freaking nervous!!! at least i am.
we had the best performance that we have ever had.
and yesterday was pretty good we went to watch the girls dance then to my brothers house, then i got my gauges and now im back at school.
i dont really have much to talk about so ill be going now
:)
peace and love.
al.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
i love taylor mali
i just read carries recent post about her dreams. those are weird darlin. but they made me miss my grandpa. i dont ever dream about him. i hate that. i never dream about anyone.
a couple months ago i went up to my mom and asked her what my grandma looked like. she told me that i had seen her and that i should know. but i cant for the life of me remember what my grandma looks like. so i told my mom that. she gets out this picture and show it to me and is like she had the most beautiful smile and it could light up the room, much like yours. and i tell her i still think im a bad person cuz i cant remember what my own grandma looks like she reassures me that its probably because my brain is saving me from seeing my grandma when she is was in such pain and that when i dream i will be able to see her but i just have to wait until the day comes that my brain says i am ready to handle it.
i still have this problem. i have all these memories of me and my grandma but i cant remember her face. its like she is in my memories but her face is blurred out. i pray and pray and pray that god will let me remember but it never happens. so now i still cry over this. i am right now. because i look at a picture of my grandma and i have to ask my mom who this is in the picture with me because i couldnt recognize her if my life depended on it.
grandma if you can somehow read this, i love you and you are always in my heart and i love you so much. i cannot wait for the day that i can go up to heaven to see your beautiful face and breath a sigh of relief. until that day happens i will never know what true beauty looks like. because i know that you are and were the most beautiful person to ever be on this earth. say hi to every one up there for me. i love you soooooo much.
sorry for the sadness everyone. blame carrie.
peace and love.
al.
a couple months ago i went up to my mom and asked her what my grandma looked like. she told me that i had seen her and that i should know. but i cant for the life of me remember what my grandma looks like. so i told my mom that. she gets out this picture and show it to me and is like she had the most beautiful smile and it could light up the room, much like yours. and i tell her i still think im a bad person cuz i cant remember what my own grandma looks like she reassures me that its probably because my brain is saving me from seeing my grandma when she is was in such pain and that when i dream i will be able to see her but i just have to wait until the day comes that my brain says i am ready to handle it.
i still have this problem. i have all these memories of me and my grandma but i cant remember her face. its like she is in my memories but her face is blurred out. i pray and pray and pray that god will let me remember but it never happens. so now i still cry over this. i am right now. because i look at a picture of my grandma and i have to ask my mom who this is in the picture with me because i couldnt recognize her if my life depended on it.
grandma if you can somehow read this, i love you and you are always in my heart and i love you so much. i cannot wait for the day that i can go up to heaven to see your beautiful face and breath a sigh of relief. until that day happens i will never know what true beauty looks like. because i know that you are and were the most beautiful person to ever be on this earth. say hi to every one up there for me. i love you soooooo much.
sorry for the sadness everyone. blame carrie.
peace and love.
al.
Monday, January 30, 2012
big hair, big eyes
hey yall.
so most of my posts are always ranting and im sure that gets kinda old so ima do a happy and short one cuz they all seem to always be reaaaaaaaaaaaally long to. :) im going erick style tehe.
so this weekend was a blast.
I GOT MY DRESS THIS WEEKEND!!!!! and i talked to cameron about prom. hes going with me btw. he said that he would wear a white tux as long as he gets to wear a bow tie, tail on his jacket, and a top hat. how freaking baller is that?! im so excited to go with him. i know i was kinda bummed about the whole chase thing but i know i made the right decision there. he is going to be the most fun date EVER!!
and ashley spent the night saturday after the basketball game. that was fun.
and sunday me and mel did puzzles and i cleaned out my linen cabnet which had been needing that for a long time. so it was a productive day.
what a grand weekend right?
and now for a grand week. if not im going on strike and petitioning school:)
peace and love and happiness my friends.
al.
so most of my posts are always ranting and im sure that gets kinda old so ima do a happy and short one cuz they all seem to always be reaaaaaaaaaaaally long to. :) im going erick style tehe.
so this weekend was a blast.
I GOT MY DRESS THIS WEEKEND!!!!! and i talked to cameron about prom. hes going with me btw. he said that he would wear a white tux as long as he gets to wear a bow tie, tail on his jacket, and a top hat. how freaking baller is that?! im so excited to go with him. i know i was kinda bummed about the whole chase thing but i know i made the right decision there. he is going to be the most fun date EVER!!
and ashley spent the night saturday after the basketball game. that was fun.
and sunday me and mel did puzzles and i cleaned out my linen cabnet which had been needing that for a long time. so it was a productive day.
what a grand weekend right?
and now for a grand week. if not im going on strike and petitioning school:)
peace and love and happiness my friends.
al.
Friday, January 27, 2012
id rather have called in dead
this whole day is a joke. i have been gone the whole week and the only day i come back should have been a great day. i mean its friday and i have no make up work to do. but i no i have to deal with a lying ass bitch face advisor and a stupid two faced person who is "embarrassed" by us. its freaking stupid. i just wanna go on and on but i cant type fast enough. and there is another two faced person that is one person infront of her boyfriend. and another when its just us and another one she is around the other 2 faced person... and so on. it goes on like that for EVER. she is more like 10 faced. and it gets old. like they should all be wrinkly old ass grandmas on their death bed but they are freaking cats with a thousand lives that all seem to be around me all the FREAKING time!!!!! and buhghghghgh. thats a grunt if you cant tell.
and i hadnt ever blogged about this but i started liking a guy. same one from this fall. it fell through again. he thinks im gross.
heart broken again.
not like its the first time
but it gets old.
really old.
like what i said about that one's faces.
reaaaaaaaally old.
i wanna wake up someday and realize it was all just a terrible dream and ill be in 2nd grade again when we got weighed in front of the entire class. and ill weigh the normal what all the other girls do. and then i can grow up to be as pretty and skinny as them and i can get any guy i want and even be a slut if i choose to. but i wont because ill be classy NOT trashy. and ill flaunt what i have but leave a little for secrecy.
wouldnt that be the greatest life. then i wouldnt have to go through all those years of torment. all the mean names and looks and stares and giggles and fingers pointed that i have had to go through. all the clothes i couldnt borrow from friends because im 10 sizes bigger than them. stores that i can only look into because ill never be able to wear them.
all my friends say, "but al, youre funny and smart and junk." yeah well when i go out into the real world i dont have a sign hanging off of me that says "i have a nice personallity" no instead i have all this fat hanging off of me like a sign that says "i am lazy. all i do is sit on my couch and eat oreos and the only exercise i get is going back and forth from my couch and fridge to get more food.
no one in the outside world knows who i am. thats why i love this little community. thats why i want to stay here forever. they all know me and they know my story and other people dont.
thats all i can say for now. im almost in tears. and that is embarrassing.
madeline if you are SO embarrassed by that little moment in time then you should try being me. try actually working for things instead of just having the right last name. try being picked on when you were little. try that for a change.
oh and models do have to be pretty. photo shop it fake. just like you.
peace and love.
al.
and i hadnt ever blogged about this but i started liking a guy. same one from this fall. it fell through again. he thinks im gross.
heart broken again.
not like its the first time
but it gets old.
really old.
like what i said about that one's faces.
reaaaaaaaally old.
i wanna wake up someday and realize it was all just a terrible dream and ill be in 2nd grade again when we got weighed in front of the entire class. and ill weigh the normal what all the other girls do. and then i can grow up to be as pretty and skinny as them and i can get any guy i want and even be a slut if i choose to. but i wont because ill be classy NOT trashy. and ill flaunt what i have but leave a little for secrecy.
wouldnt that be the greatest life. then i wouldnt have to go through all those years of torment. all the mean names and looks and stares and giggles and fingers pointed that i have had to go through. all the clothes i couldnt borrow from friends because im 10 sizes bigger than them. stores that i can only look into because ill never be able to wear them.
all my friends say, "but al, youre funny and smart and junk." yeah well when i go out into the real world i dont have a sign hanging off of me that says "i have a nice personallity" no instead i have all this fat hanging off of me like a sign that says "i am lazy. all i do is sit on my couch and eat oreos and the only exercise i get is going back and forth from my couch and fridge to get more food.
no one in the outside world knows who i am. thats why i love this little community. thats why i want to stay here forever. they all know me and they know my story and other people dont.
thats all i can say for now. im almost in tears. and that is embarrassing.
madeline if you are SO embarrassed by that little moment in time then you should try being me. try actually working for things instead of just having the right last name. try being picked on when you were little. try that for a change.
oh and models do have to be pretty. photo shop it fake. just like you.
peace and love.
al.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
iif ii were a boy:)
so i havent posted in like forevvskies. sowwy..
umm i guess well start with the new years. umm there isnt much to talk about. hung out with friends. nothing new there.
umm i kinda wanna talk about 2011.
it was an eventful year.
i went to Dorian music festival.
i was in love with Joey Bates.
i turned seventeen and had a ballin ass part.
i went to prom.
passed junior year with 54 credits.
went to Upward Bound summer program.
met Felicity and Alex.
tore my achilles tendon.
didnt wear my boot.
went to minnesota with Upward Bound.
fell in love again with a different boy who didnt even know girls existed
showed at the county fair.
hung out with lots of friends at bon fires/camp outs
cut Joey loose.
went back to school for senior year
still wearing a boot.
went through 2 senior nights, balling.
hung out with more friends.
fell in love. again. with a guy that had a gf and didnt tell me.
went black friday shopping and spent wwaayy too much money.
got a chia pet for christmas.
and now for 2012 i wanna have an even more ballin year filled with:
more bonfires.
a tattoo filled 18th birthday
a freaking baller ass spring break to NYC!!!
golf and softball.
graduation.
another county fair.
more bon fires.
moving out.
college.
moving on with my life.
more bon fires.
and last but hella not least,
BE HAPPY AND MY SELF!!!.
thats not all i wanna talk about today though but i just cant find my motivation for anymore. i shall fill yall in on other stuff tomorrow maybe.
peace and love.
al.
umm i guess well start with the new years. umm there isnt much to talk about. hung out with friends. nothing new there.
umm i kinda wanna talk about 2011.
it was an eventful year.
i went to Dorian music festival.
i was in love with Joey Bates.
i turned seventeen and had a ballin ass part.
i went to prom.
passed junior year with 54 credits.
went to Upward Bound summer program.
met Felicity and Alex.
tore my achilles tendon.
didnt wear my boot.
went to minnesota with Upward Bound.
fell in love again with a different boy who didnt even know girls existed
showed at the county fair.
hung out with lots of friends at bon fires/camp outs
cut Joey loose.
went back to school for senior year
still wearing a boot.
went through 2 senior nights, balling.
hung out with more friends.
fell in love. again. with a guy that had a gf and didnt tell me.
went black friday shopping and spent wwaayy too much money.
got a chia pet for christmas.
and now for 2012 i wanna have an even more ballin year filled with:
more bonfires.
a tattoo filled 18th birthday
a freaking baller ass spring break to NYC!!!
golf and softball.
graduation.
another county fair.
more bon fires.
moving out.
college.
moving on with my life.
more bon fires.
and last but hella not least,
BE HAPPY AND MY SELF!!!.
thats not all i wanna talk about today though but i just cant find my motivation for anymore. i shall fill yall in on other stuff tomorrow maybe.
peace and love.
al.
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